It's Not Punishment
by M4llyM0u53
Summary: Isabella's friends are just trying to look out for her. They were in high school now and she was still hung up on a boy who wouldn't give her the time of day. Maybe it was time to step in and help.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay guys, this is just an idea I had floating around. It kind of came to me and I wanted to get it out there. My first story! Yay! I've been really identifying with Isabella lately. I even Disneybounded her on Dapper Day. The Fireside Girls thought it was awesome. So anyway, yeah, this came to me when I was thinking about Isabella just going into depression after so many failed attempts with Phineas. Let me know what you guys think!**

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><p>"What's going on?" I asked as I walked into the Fireside Girls' Lodge. "What was so important that we had to call an emergency meeting?" Usually, I was the one calling the shots around here. I was the leader of Fireside Girl Troop 46321. But it was Gretchen who assembled us together today. Everyone was sitting around in chairs and they looked like things were serious. Adyson patted the seat next to her so I sat down. "I don't get it. Why does everyone look so nervous?"<p>

They all looked at their feet. No one wanted to speak so I looked straight at Gretchen, not willing to let up my gaze until I got an answer.

"We're not trying to hurt you, Chief," she started. "We're just worried about you."

"Worried about what?" I asked defensively. I didn't give them any reason to worry, did I? At least, I couldn't think of anything I had done recently.

Ginger was the next to speak. "You've been getting more and more upset each time Phineas ignores you." Katie elbowed her and Millie put a finger to her lips to shush her. What? Was saying his name suddenly a taboo around me? Was him ignoring my every move so bad that they couldn't say his name?

"We're just trying to look out for you," Holly explained. "We didn't mean to go behind your back."

I really wasn't getting any answers out of them. Did they think I would bite their heads off if they told me? I mean, at this point, maybe. Adyson was the most fearless out of them all. I turned my intense gaze to her this time. If it was fear keeping them from talking then Adyson would be the first to crack.

Her gaze held even with mine before she finally sighed. "We talked to your mom and she agreed to sign you up for a therapist."

"WHAT!?" I shouted, standing up and practically knocking my chair over backwards. "A therapist!? I'm not crazy, guys! And what if Phineas asks why I'm going to a therapist!? You think I'm going to tell him it's because my friends think I'm depressed because he won't give me the time of day!? Yeah, right! How could you do this without consulting me first!? If I wanted a therapist's help, I would have asked my mom myself!"

"That's what we were afraid of," Millie sighed, looking rather sad herself.

"You see, Chief," Gretchen started to explain, "we've noticed a pattern in your behavior. Ever since we entered high school this year, you've been cheer captain. And you've had all of the boys all over you. But you always turn them down. And you look really sad when doing so."

"Plus, I found your diary when I was looking through your room," Adyson shrugged. I glared at her again. She was in my room without my knowledge for what purpose? She put her hands up defensively. "I couldn't find my Fireside Manual so I went over to borrow yours. You were at cheer practice so your mom let me in. I found your diary and saw some less than happy entries."

"We only want what's best for you, Isabella," Ginger nodded.

Katie looked at me finally. "At least talk to this one once. You don't have to tell him. We'll help you keep it a secret."

"We won't tell Phineas and we won't tell Ferb," Holly agreed. "It'll just be between us and we'll cover for you if he asks where you're at."

I didn't like it. But I guess there was no way around it. They wouldn't let up. They earned their Relentless Persuasion patches for a reason.

"Alright," I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "Whatever. I'll go talk to this therapist. But you better have my back when Phineas asks why I'm not over at their place like I always am."

"You can count on us, Chief," Gretchen said with a salute.

That was how I ended up here. They said they just wanted to help me. Well sometimes help just hurts. So now, here I am, sitting in a lounge, waiting for this Doctor Masen dude to come tell me what's wrong with me. I knew what was wrong and it wasn't me. But this guy was going to look into my childhood for deeper issues or something like that.

"Isabella?" a woman asked, sticking her head out of the office. I nodded and she opened the door wider. "Come on in."

I walked into the office and was surprised that I didn't find a big lounge couch or a desk with papers all over them. There were no PhDs hung on the walls, no walls lined with bookshelves. It just looked like a normal hangout kind of room. There were normal couches, a few bean bags, and there was even a TV on the wall. It just looked like a fun place to be. But that didn't hide the fact that my so-called friends still forced me to go see this stupid therapist.

"So where is Doctor Masen?" I asked the woman, crossing my arms over my chest.

She chuckled. "Please, just call me Noelle. And have a seat." I looked at her, mouth agape. "You were expecting some stuffed shirt to ask you '_how does that make you feel?_' weren't you? Well, I'm not that kind of therapist. I just wanna talk, get to know you. What made you come here?" As she was talking, she made herself comfortable on one of the couches, putting her feet up, shoes off, and everything.

I meandered to a bean bag. "My stupid friends forced me to come. They say it's just because they're '_worried about me_' or something. I'm fine, honestly. I just feel stupid for coming here."

"I feel stupid for coming here a lot too," she laughed. "The only difference is, I get paid to do it. But if you're fine, why do they think differently?"

"Ginger said it was because Phineas is still ignoring me," I scoffed at the memory. "Phineas has ignored me for sixteen years. It's nothing new."

She looked up at the ceiling. "Wait, hold on. I'm confused. Describe Phineas for me."

"Like personality or looks?"

"Both."

I sighed. How to put it into words? "Well, aesthetically, he has triangular head. And his red hair sticks out in practically every direction but not in a bad way. His blue eyes are like an ocean. But personality wise, he's anything but ordinary. He builds these amazing things with his brother. They're always up to something wild and crazy. I swear, Phineas can take anything mundane and make it fantastic. He's really creative and super handy. If he wanted to be he could be captain of almost every club in school. But he chooses to use his time outside of extracurriculars. He's really popular but he doesn't even notice. Like, everyone at school knows his name and exactly who he is. But he's still really humble and never forgets his true friends."

Doctor Masen nodded. She just took it in. That was all. Just like I was telling any other story. "Okay, so that's Phineas. What about Ginger? Describe her."

"Ginger's a Fireside Girl in my troop. She's one of the '_friends_' who made me come here. She's Asian and has long black hair, brown eyes. She's sort of bookish I guess you could say."

Again, she nodded. "So Phineas is ignoring you?"

"Well, yes and no," I confessed. "He's my best friend. He's never really '_ignored_' me before. But he's never really noticed me either. Everything I try just goes right over his head. I don't know if he's trying to brush me off or if he just doesn't get it."

"Well, how is Phineas with feelings? Does he say what he means or is he real cryptic?"

"He's always upfront about it. He never really lies, he only ever avoids the truth. It's different, trust me." I've only noticed Phineas try to lie a few times. And every time he would start grabbing at his ear. It was a nervous tick that I had picked up on. Nobody else knew about it, however. I'm not even sure Ferb noticed. But then again, Ferb seemed to notice everything.

"Well if he's upfront then he probably isn't trying to brush you off subtly," she told me. I guess she was right about that. Phineas would tell me if my flirting was too much for him. He always told other girls. He also always noticed when other girls would flirt with him. Why did he not understand when it came from me? "Alright, enough about Phineas."

"But isn't that the reason I'm here?" I asked confused. "Therapists tell you what's wrong with you and tell you how to fix it."

"Fine," she said. She put her feet down on the ground and sat up real straight. Then she reached to a table behind her and grabbed a note pad and pen. "So how does that make you feel, Isabella?" she asked. The sarcasm was so thick, all I could do was laugh.

She smiled and then we started talking about mundane things. We talked about the Fireside Girls and she got really excited. Apparently, she used to be a Troop Leader in her hometown. I told her about Pinky and she told me about her cat named Strawberry. Then we talked about cheerleading and student council. She used to be in theater and student council so she understood the burden and joy of having to be responsible for two clubs. We talked for hours it seemed like before she got into therapist mode. I had almost forgotten that that's what she was.

"So, Isabella, I hate to end this, but I do have to get home soon," she said, looking at her watch. "Your mom had said something about this just being a trial appointment. Just give me a call if you want to set up a regular thing or if you just want to talk." She gave me a card. It didn't say "_Doctor_", it didn't say "_therapist_"; all it had was her name and her number. I liked that. So if anyone asked I could lie and say it was just a friend of mine. After today, I guess she really did just feel like a friend.

I stood up to walk out of the office, before I could leave I went to give her and handshake. She smiled warmly and accepted it. "I'll… call you soon," I told her. It was a breath of fresh air to talk to someone new. I guess this therapist thing wasn't so bad after all.

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><p><strong>So? I know, the chapter is rather short. I'm not that good at writing long chapters. I'm 99% sure it has something to do with my mild ADHD. Trust me, this is long for me. It was almost half of this length. Anyway, review please? I love reading reviews, even the ones that tell me that I suck. They keep me going to prove people wrong! So that's that. Thanks for reading the first chapter.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay guys, sorry for the delay. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter. It's what made me continue this terrible story. More notes at the end. Here's chapter 2!**

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><p>The next day at school was exactly what I had feared. I walked into my first class of the day, biology, which I shared with practically everyone. Phineas, Ferb, Gretchen, Katie, Ginger, and Holly. We all sat in the back corner of the classroom. Our teacher, Mrs. Cohen, was trying to teach us geometry while some of the punks decided it would be funny to make her repeat everything she was saying. She finally gave up on teaching the whole class and gave us busy work while she worked with the "problem student".<p>

It was during this time that my absence previous was addressed.

"We missed you yesterday, Isabella," Phineas said as he was completing his work, nearly 75 percent of the way through when most of us had just barely started. Ferb was nearing completion as well and just nodded. "Gretchen told us you had a family event. Was it fun?"

I silently thanked my right-hand for not telling him the truth. But now there were lies that had to be taken care of. "It was alright," I confessed, certainly not talking about the same thing he was. "It was a lot better than expected, that's for sure."

"Well, I'm glad," he smiled, putting his pencil down and his paper to the side. "There might be days coming up where it'll be just you and me hanging out in the backyard. Ferb decided to get himself a job to keep him busy while he's not at school. He started there last week."

"So that's why you were missing!" I exclaimed. It's true, twice last week Ferb hadn't been over when I hung out with them. Thankfully, those were both Fireside Girls' days so I had my whole troop with me. But if Ferb's disappearance was going to be a regular thing, I couldn't blame it on Fireside Girls' day for long before Phineas knew something was up.

We went through the rest of the day without any comment about my "family thing". That is, until we hit lunch. We were all sitting around, the whole school only had one lunch period. It was Baljeet who decided to bring it up.

"So, Isabella," he started as we sat down. "Phineas told me you had a family event yesterday. Was it a Mexican tradition or Jewish?"

I bit into my sandwich while he was asking the question, pretending to try to swallow before answering. The truth was, I wasn't trying to swallow. Stalling was good. Gretchen looked over at me and understood, coming to my rescue once again.

"Hey Chief, didn't Coach say we had to be there early for practice today?"

I nodded, finally deciding to swallow. "Yeah, she said we had a new routine to cover this afternoon. Homecoming is coming up after all."

"I can't wait for the Homecoming Dance," Katie sighed. "I think I already have my dress picked out. Something pink of course!" Katie always wore pink. It complimented her blonde hair and green eyes nicely.

The rest of the girls got to talking about dresses, distracting the group focus. I silently packed up my things and moved all the way to the other side of campus, to the football field. I sat on the bleachers with my food, just silently eating and trying not to think. When I thought too hard I tended to overthink.

This time it was about my friends. I know they all seemed to enjoy my company. And I know that the girls have my back after so many years of leading their troop. But it seemed like it didn't matter whether I was there or not. They were still talking about dresses and dates even after I had left. I doubt anyone even noticed I was gone.

I'm not sure what hurt more, being around them and being unhappy, or being away from them and hating the fact that I just left the group and no one cares. It's like I shouldn't have been there in the first place, so I left. But after that I just felt like I shouldn't have left. It was like a fire that burns too hot for anything to live.

I clenched my eyes tightly and just hoped that the feelings would go away on their own. I sat there for who knows how long until a voice broke my concentration.

"Isabella?" I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to face him. I kept lying right to his face, I couldn't face him now. "Isabella, are you okay?"

He was pretending to be worried about me. No, that wasn't fair. He always cared about me. But he cared about as much as he cared about Ferb. I wasn't anything special. I was the girl across the street. I was the childhood friend. I was never more than that.

I heard the bleachers squeak as he sat down next to me and I finally opened my eyes, still not looking at him. "I'm fine, Phineas. Just a little stressed about cheer practice tonight." Another lie. _Quit being so mean to him._

"You guys are one of the best cheer squads I've ever seen," he praised. "Everything is always perfect. I'm sure you guys will learn this new routine in no time." He smiled at me and I felt one corner of my mouth move upward involuntarily. "That's not the only thing you're worried about, is it?"

How was it that he was so fantastic at picking up my emotions and yet he was still oblivious to the fact that I was in love with him!?

"It's this stupid dance," I sighed. "I mean, I don't have a dress yet. And all of the rest of the girls have dates. I'll be there alone and in some raggedy thing I pulled from my closet. I'm cheer captain. It's not supposed to happen that way! I should be the one that everyone is jealous of!"

He thought for a moment before replying. "Well, one problem at a time. You don't have a dress yet. How about after cheer practice I'll take you shopping? I have money saved up from my summer's internships at Stark Industries. I'll pay for it, whichever one you choose, that way you don't have to stress more about the price."

"Phineas, I can't let you do that," I sighed. He was always so generous. I just couldn't understand how I never got on his last nerve. He was a popular guy. He could have any friend he wanted. It seemed wasteful that he spent his time with me.

He slung an arm around my shoulders. "Of course you can. If you're really opposed to it you can pay me back eventually. But right now, you don't need the added stress."

I smiled, thanking him without words.

"But I'm with you there on the date thing. Even Ferb has a date. He wrangled Vanessa into going with him. Still not sure about how that relationship is going to go, but Ferb seems happy so that's all that really matters. Buford is going with Gretchen. Baljeet is going with Ginger. Katie is going with Holly. Django is going with Adyson. Milly is going with Irving. Everybody paired up already. So how about it?"

"How about what?" I asked. There didn't seem to be a question anywhere in his little list.

He shrugged, removing his hand from around me. I winced a little at the loss of contact but he didn't seem to notice. "You and I both don't have anyone to go with. So let's go together."

"You're asking me to the dance?" I asked, dumbfounded. I'd never been to a dance with Phineas before. Well, not exclusively. The Mixers in middle school didn't really count because we always went as a big group.

"Sure, it'll be fun."

"You and me at the dance?"

"Yeah. Friends do that, right?"

Friends. "Right."

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><p><strong>And that's chapter two! Once again, a little on the short side. Sorry, but I felt like that was the only stopping point I was going to reach. This story, especially in later chapters, is partially about how I deal with stress and depression. I don't go to a therapist but that was how this story started. It's evolving as I write it. I couldn't figure out to do with it. And then I was reading a self-harm Achievement Hunter fic. And I got the idea for later chapters. (Most likely the next chapter.) And with my sister's homecoming fast approaching, it seemed like the right obstacle to put in Isabella's way. Anywho, hope you liked it. Please leave a review.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews guys. I am going to address them now, rather than PM you all.**

**UnlikelyPFfan: The only reason I'm keeping him oblivious is because it's canon that way. In "Act Your Age", Phineas doesn't realize Isabella loves him until the end of summer right before college. So it's only right that I try to stay true to that.**

**Yarthayaj'knaushtavdhladleklwa: Sort of on the first one. And maybe on the second one. It plays out as it goes.**

**Dreadwing216: I think everyone does. *smirk***

**Okay, here we go. This chapter may be a bit more personal to me so please go easy on calling it out for "realistic" and such.**

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><p>I couldn't focus at all during cheer practice. I kept messing up the routine, causing the other girls to lose focus as well. It was hopeless. My mind was in Phineas-land and wouldn't get out.<p>

I was thinking about dress shopping with him. He would find the perfect dress that would match my eyes just right. I would put it on and he would suddenly realize that I was the most beautiful thing in the world. And we'd go to the dance together. The DJ would play a slow song. Phineas and I would dance together, holding each other tight. And right before the song ended, he would lean in and—

"Isabella!" Adyson screeched. "Geez, get out of Phineas-land already. I know you two have a date tonight but we have practice right now."

"Stand down, Fireside Girl," I told her, glaring in her direction. She gave me a knowing look and I just sighed. She was right. I couldn't do this if I wasn't all here right now. The fact was, I couldn't be all here right now. Thankfully, Coach understood and let us go early. We had learned the routine. Now it was just a matter of practicing it.

I went home, still far too early to expect Phineas to be ready. He said we'd go shopping around 5:30. I stared at the clock next to my bed. It was only 4 o'clock. I still had an hour and a half. Knowing me, I'd probably use that time to think. And thinking wasn't usually a good thing. It either led to Phineas-land or somewhere dark. Neither was good. I mean, sure, Phineas-land seemed awesome, right? But once I was out, I felt empty, like I was missing something in my life.

I shouldn't feel this empty. I have a great home, a loving family, awesome friends, good grades. Supposedly, I have everything every teenager could want. The only thing I didn't have was a boyfriend, and not everybody needed a boyfriend, right? I mean, I was at least friends with the guy of my dreams. Most girls couldn't say that much. So why in the hell was I feeling this way? Depression was supposed to be for people with problems. I was a normal girl with a normal, privileged life. I was so spoiled that I couldn't handle a little heart break. Like, are you kidding me? I'm getting depressed over _this_? How pathetic am I?

I went to sit at my desk, spinning mindlessly in my chair until I had a head rush from dizziness. I mean, torture was usually a good punishment, right? Torture… I looked over at the supplies on my desk until I found what I guess I had been searching for. The bright pink scissors sat right in front of my face. If I was going to act like a moody teenager I might as well go the extra mile. I picked up the scissors and looked at the sharp edge. People always say that there's a feeling of relief when you see the blood coming out of your body. It's like your trapped emotions just spring free from that little slice.

I opened the scissors. How easy it would be to just slide it across my skin, leaving that red trail in its wake. I tried one slash; nothing. I didn't press hard enough and all I got was a little white line, something I knew would heal in a matter of minutes. I could just press harder. I would get that release that everyone talked about. Why was it so difficult for me to just do it? Was I really that weak? Was I that pathetic? I felt like a depressed, emo teenager, and yet I couldn't even gather up the courage to cut myself? I was hopeless. Completely hopeless. I shouldn't even be here.

What was I trying to cut for anyway? To be another sad sob story about the poor girl who couldn't handle her emotions? Was I trying to get attention for it? It wasn't like I needed attention. I was popular. I was cheer captain. Cheer captains were not supposed to cut. It doesn't fit into the stereotype. Why the heck was I so stupid in thinking that cutting would solve anything? It wouldn't. It was just a ridiculous form of masochism. I wasn't a masochist… Was I? Apparently not because the thought of the blood trickling down my arm actually had me scared. I couldn't do it. I couldn't cut myself. I had tried. I had really tried. I had the blade against my skin and everything. And still I couldn't do it.

It made me think, if I had a bottle of pills in front of my right now, could I swallow? Or would I be just another sad excuse for a failed attempt. I probably would be so stupid that I would swallow pills that wouldn't even kill me. They'd just put me in a hospital and then call me crazy, keeping me under constant watch if I ever got smart and found the right pills. I wouldn't solve my own problems. I would just cause more problems for everyone around me.

I finally put the scissors back on my desk, tears rolling down my face. That's how pathetic I was. I was crying because I didn't have the courage to actually be an emo kid. I didn't have the courage to do anything more than a scratch. I could have done that with my finger nail. I went back to look at the utensils on my desk. Too pathetic to use stupid scissors. Instead, I found a mechanical pencil, no lead in it, and a metal tip.

I pulled down the side of my skirt, revealing a piece of skin I knew no one would be looking at. Was I really doing this? I grazed the pencil across my skin multiple times in the shape of the letter "P" after running across it enough I looked at it. I could see the letter I had drawn, my skin was raised and red, but the mark would go away in a few hours. My leg was stinging like a bitch but that was the good part. I guess I understood the release from cutting, even if I didn't have the courage to do it. I continued scratching; "A". The straight lines didn't feel as bad because it kept the cool metal running in the same direction for a while. "T". What was I doing? This was so stupid of me. "H". I mean, what if anyone found out? I don't plan on someone pulling down my skirt, so I guess that was a good thing. "E" Everything about this was completely irrational. My leg was stinging even more now. I knew it would still hurt for a little while after I was done. "T". Why did I keep doing this? Oh yeah, because I was only two letters away from finishing. If anyone did see it, I would look like even more of a coward with only half of a word on me. "I". Great, and I was writing in a way that I could read it. Me, but I was above it. To anyone else it was upside down. Now I would look really stupid. The curves of letters definitely hurt more and I reveled in that as I drew in the last letter, "C". I was stupid. I was a coward. And now I was marked, "PATHETIC".

Keep telling yourself something and it'll be true, right? That's what they say anyway.

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><p><strong>Again guys, this one was more personal. "Stupid", "pathetic"; names can only be held at bay for so long until they physically hurt you. Please leave a review. I love hearing for you guys.<strong>

**I'm sorry the chapter was a little short. But I couldn't bring myself to add anything else to it. The next chapter should be much happier.**

**~M4llyM0u53**


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